Tag: Parenting

Who is your family?

On By fosteringyourfaithIn FamilyLeave a comment

“Family” will be the topic of the worship service led by our confirmation class in May. What comes to your mind when you think about family? The class has discovered great variety among their families; among these 10 students they have same-gender parents, divorced parents, heterosexual parents, step-parents, step-siblings, half-siblings, families formed through adoption, family members who are transgender or gender non-conforming, and families filled with friends, pets, and neighbors who enrich their lives.

There is no such thing as a “simple” family.

In preparation for our conversations, I have enjoyed reading a variety of books about families. All You Can Ever Know by Nicole Chung describes the author’s experience of being an adopted Korean child raised by white parents. Inheritance: A Memoir of Genealogy, Paternity, and Love centers on author Dani Shapiro’s shock at discovering that her recently deceased father had no biological connection to her. A simple DNA test uncovered both secrets and a biological family that threw her understanding of herself into turmoil. Nishta J. Mehra explores definitions of “family” in her book Brown White Black: An American Family at the Intersection of Race, Gender, Sexuality, and Religion as she describes the many ways her family, with same-sex parents and an adopted child of a different race, challenges our society’s “norm” of white, straight, biological families.

              Families come in every shape and size and can be created in many ways.

The confirmation class has looked at biblical families like Abraham and Sarah’s, which is large, sprawling, and filled with such complex connections that a written family tree is the only way to sort out who is who and how each person is related to the other. I was reminded of this when I visited a parishioner who introduced her guest as her third cousin; they cheerfully outlined their family history that reached back through a complicated mix of grandparents, cousins, and marriages.

The class read about dysfunctional families; the first book of the Bible contains both the murderous Cain and Joseph’s treacherous brothers who abused and rejected him. The lack of caring and compassion is breath-taking. (Ultimately there is healing and forgiveness, but it’s a long time coming). When our family of origin fails us, it can be wise to create a chosen family who will offer the love and support we deserve. Often the strongest family systems are created by choice or circumstance; we can be inspired by the biblical examples of Ruth and Naomi, Jonathan and David, or Jesus and his disciples.

Who is family to you? How do you stay in touch with those who love and support you?  In our busy lives, we often need to be intentional about making time to talk, visit, and catch up with one another.

Big or small, biological or chosen – family is a gift. How will you tell your family how much they mean to you today?

*If you’d like to read about some families in the Bible:

  • Cain and Abel: Genesis 4
  • Abraham and Sarah: Genesis 17
  • Joseph and his brothers: Genesis 37 and 45
  • Ruth and Naomi: Ruth 1
  • Jonathan and David: 1 Samuel 20
  • Jesus and his disciples: Matthew 4

A very special wedding

On By fosteringyourfaithIn Wedding4 Comments

Sarah and Jordan were married on Saturday. It was a celebration of love, of course, but not just the romantic love between two people. This wedding celebrated the hopes, dreams, prayers, and hard work of countless people who made this special day possible.

Both Sarah and Jordan have Down Syndrome. Over the years they have confronted obstacles, setbacks, doubters, folks unable to recognize their worth, and some people who were just plain mean. It isn’t easy being “other” in our society. But they also had parents, family, and friends who believed in them and who consistently wanted the very best for them. Their wedding was a celebration of the power of love to transform lives.

Their wedding celebrated the tenacity of love. At this wedding we honored the hardworking love that gets up with dogged determination after every disappointment and challenge. We celebrated the parents who dared to dream that this day would someday come and whose fierce determination refused to give up on their beloved children. Parenting is never for the faint of heart; parenting a child with special needs demands an additional amount of fortitude. This wedding recognized that.

It also rejoiced in the strength of family and friends who formed a safe community where the unique gifts of Sarah and Jordan could be lifted up. It was also a tribute to all the dedicated teachers, coaches, trainers, and aides and assistants who worked on behalf of Sarah and Jordan and countless others so that they can live the very best life they can.

Sarah and Jordan’s wedding reminded us that the world is a better place when people choose to love one another. We are made richer by their example of their love, acceptance, and devotion. The joy and tender care they share with one another offers hope to a world that is too often callous and indifferent.

Over the years, many people informed Sarah and Jordan that their capabilities were limited and their future was dim. Thank God they had the wisdom to block out the negative voices and ignore the naysayers. This wedding celebrated God’s unlimited vision of each one of us. It was a reminder that we are all more capable, more amazing, and more filled with possibility than any of us realize. It was invitation to look beyond the obvious with a willingness to be surprised by what is actually possible.

Sarah and Jordan got married and it was a memorable occasion. That day showed us all what joy looks like. May God bless them on their journey and may we all be inspired to share and show love as boldly as they do.