Tag: Transgender family

Bumper Sticker Wisdom

On By fosteringyourfaithIn LGBT1 Comment

My new bumper sticker reads, “Be careful who you hate. It might be someone you love.”

It is a reminder not to categorize people or to assume that “all” of “those people” are somehow the same. As soon as we try to clump a group of people into a tidy category or description, we will miss someone’s amazing individuality.

“Gay people make me uncomfortable,” we might be tempted to say. Until we realize that our neighbor or neighbor’s beloved child fits that description.

 “I don’t understand transgender people,” we might declare. Until we get to know someone who has fought for their identity and who advocates honesty in self-expression.

 Although my bumper sticker has a rainbow stripe on it, I don’t think the concept is limited to LGBTQ issues. When we start talking about “all” people of color or “all” immigrants or “all” women who have had an abortion, we are missing something crucial. We are overlooking the sacred individuality that exists in each person. We are ignoring their personal stories. We are missing the unique child of God, created in God’s image.

 I believe this bumper sticker invites me to look beyond the “packaging” of a person to see the individual. I believe I am urged to have a holy curiosity about each person so I can resist the temptation to dismiss someone as “one of them.”

             It is easy to hate groups of people. A group is faceless. A group doesn’t have parents who love them or children who need them. A group doesn’t have emotions and lacks feelings that can be bruised or rights that can be trampled.

It’s when we look beyond the faceless crowd that we begin to recognize individuals with stories and backgrounds, journeys and struggles that have brought them to this time and place. Perhaps then I will not be as quick to dismiss “them.”

 Instead of disregard, could I offer respect? Instead of turning away, could I listen? Instead of assuming I know their story and circumstances, could I be willing to wonder and learn?

A bumper sticker is such a simple thing – but it can teach an important lesson.

Who is your family?

On By fosteringyourfaithIn FamilyLeave a comment

“Family” will be the topic of the worship service led by our confirmation class in May. What comes to your mind when you think about family? The class has discovered great variety among their families; among these 10 students they have same-gender parents, divorced parents, heterosexual parents, step-parents, step-siblings, half-siblings, families formed through adoption, family members who are transgender or gender non-conforming, and families filled with friends, pets, and neighbors who enrich their lives.

There is no such thing as a “simple” family.

In preparation for our conversations, I have enjoyed reading a variety of books about families. All You Can Ever Know by Nicole Chung describes the author’s experience of being an adopted Korean child raised by white parents. Inheritance: A Memoir of Genealogy, Paternity, and Love centers on author Dani Shapiro’s shock at discovering that her recently deceased father had no biological connection to her. A simple DNA test uncovered both secrets and a biological family that threw her understanding of herself into turmoil. Nishta J. Mehra explores definitions of “family” in her book Brown White Black: An American Family at the Intersection of Race, Gender, Sexuality, and Religion as she describes the many ways her family, with same-sex parents and an adopted child of a different race, challenges our society’s “norm” of white, straight, biological families.

              Families come in every shape and size and can be created in many ways.

The confirmation class has looked at biblical families like Abraham and Sarah’s, which is large, sprawling, and filled with such complex connections that a written family tree is the only way to sort out who is who and how each person is related to the other. I was reminded of this when I visited a parishioner who introduced her guest as her third cousin; they cheerfully outlined their family history that reached back through a complicated mix of grandparents, cousins, and marriages.

The class read about dysfunctional families; the first book of the Bible contains both the murderous Cain and Joseph’s treacherous brothers who abused and rejected him. The lack of caring and compassion is breath-taking. (Ultimately there is healing and forgiveness, but it’s a long time coming). When our family of origin fails us, it can be wise to create a chosen family who will offer the love and support we deserve. Often the strongest family systems are created by choice or circumstance; we can be inspired by the biblical examples of Ruth and Naomi, Jonathan and David, or Jesus and his disciples.

Who is family to you? How do you stay in touch with those who love and support you?  In our busy lives, we often need to be intentional about making time to talk, visit, and catch up with one another.

Big or small, biological or chosen – family is a gift. How will you tell your family how much they mean to you today?

*If you’d like to read about some families in the Bible:

  • Cain and Abel: Genesis 4
  • Abraham and Sarah: Genesis 17
  • Joseph and his brothers: Genesis 37 and 45
  • Ruth and Naomi: Ruth 1
  • Jonathan and David: 1 Samuel 20
  • Jesus and his disciples: Matthew 4