Who is your family?

“Family” will be the topic of the worship service led by our confirmation class in May. What comes to your mind when you think about family? The class has discovered great variety among their families; among these 10 students they have same-gender parents, divorced parents, heterosexual parents, step-parents, step-siblings, half-siblings, families formed through adoption, family members who are transgender or gender non-conforming, and families filled with friends, pets, and neighbors who enrich their lives.

There is no such thing as a “simple” family.

In preparation for our conversations, I have enjoyed reading a variety of books about families. All You Can Ever Know by Nicole Chung describes the author’s experience of being an adopted Korean child raised by white parents. Inheritance: A Memoir of Genealogy, Paternity, and Love centers on author Dani Shapiro’s shock at discovering that her recently deceased father had no biological connection to her. A simple DNA test uncovered both secrets and a biological family that threw her understanding of herself into turmoil. Nishta J. Mehra explores definitions of “family” in her book Brown White Black: An American Family at the Intersection of Race, Gender, Sexuality, and Religion as she describes the many ways her family, with same-sex parents and an adopted child of a different race, challenges our society’s “norm” of white, straight, biological families.

              Families come in every shape and size and can be created in many ways.

The confirmation class has looked at biblical families like Abraham and Sarah’s, which is large, sprawling, and filled with such complex connections that a written family tree is the only way to sort out who is who and how each person is related to the other. I was reminded of this when I visited a parishioner who introduced her guest as her third cousin; they cheerfully outlined their family history that reached back through a complicated mix of grandparents, cousins, and marriages.

The class read about dysfunctional families; the first book of the Bible contains both the murderous Cain and Joseph’s treacherous brothers who abused and rejected him. The lack of caring and compassion is breath-taking. (Ultimately there is healing and forgiveness, but it’s a long time coming). When our family of origin fails us, it can be wise to create a chosen family who will offer the love and support we deserve. Often the strongest family systems are created by choice or circumstance; we can be inspired by the biblical examples of Ruth and Naomi, Jonathan and David, or Jesus and his disciples.

Who is family to you? How do you stay in touch with those who love and support you?  In our busy lives, we often need to be intentional about making time to talk, visit, and catch up with one another.

Big or small, biological or chosen – family is a gift. How will you tell your family how much they mean to you today?

*If you’d like to read about some families in the Bible:

  • Cain and Abel: Genesis 4
  • Abraham and Sarah: Genesis 17
  • Joseph and his brothers: Genesis 37 and 45
  • Ruth and Naomi: Ruth 1
  • Jonathan and David: 1 Samuel 20
  • Jesus and his disciples: Matthew 4

It’s hard to wait

Waiting is hard. When I look at our snow-covered yard, I yearn for spring. The daffodils I planted last fall are nowhere in sight. Dirty piles of old snow, mud, and messy puddles seem determined to stay and my desire for spring is not making it arrive any quicker.  We are in that in-between time that only maple syrup producers can love. It’s not quite winter, but it is not yet spring. It is hard to wait.

            So much of life is like that. We want answers, results, clarity. The chemo patient wants to know now if treatments are working. The expectant mother wants assurance that her baby will be healthy and strong. Awkward adolescents want to fast forward to a time when they will fit in. The addict wants proof that rehab will bring health and wholeness.

            Life, unfortunately, looks more like my yard these days – messy and unfinished – rather than a tidy, neatly defined happy ending.

Life is what happens while we’re waiting for results and yearning for completion. The “highlights” of life – graduation, awards, achievement – are just a fraction of our experience. Most of life is lived in the “in-between” times. It’s in the struggle, the waiting, and the effort. While every athlete dreams of crossing the finish line with arms upraised in victory, most of their time is spent in training. Every gardener rejoices in healthy vegetables and blooming flowers, but a lot of weeding and fertilizing came before that glorious result.

While God is certainly present in crowning achievements, I think God lives in the uncertainty of our lives. God is in the waiting room, in the dreary loneliness of grief, in the struggle for another hour of sobriety, in the grinding worry for a loved one, and in the endless tasks of a caregiver.

It’s hard to wait.  We want to get “there.” If we think we will only discover God when we reach the Promised Land of completion, we will miss the God of the journey. We will overlook the one who travels with us not just to green pastures but also through all the dark valleys along the way.

It’s hard to wait.  But we worship a patient God and God will wait with us.

Intentionally Welcoming

“Why do you always say ‘Everyone is welcome’?  It’s everywhere – on your website, on the Facebook page, in the bulletin.  Isn’t that a bit overkill?”

 The answer is simple – we say “Everyone is welcome” because not every church does. When the United Methodist Church voted to ban openly gay clergy and to refuse same-sex marriage, a clear message was sent. Everyone is, actually, not welcome there.

So we’ll say it with symbols – the rainbow wreath on our front door, the rainbow stripe on our church sign out front, and posters throughout our church – and we’ll say it with our actions.

 We need to say out loud what we wish was simply true everywhere. “Everyone is welcome” ranks right up there with the phrase “Black Lives Matter” in terms of expressing important truths.

Yes, we wish it wasn’t necessary to say that “everyone” is welcome, but lesbian, gay, bi-sexual, transgender, and queer folk hear people debating their worth and value every day.

Yes, we wish it was clear that “all lives” matter, but too many people of color have been wounded by unequal treatment and by obstacles in housing, education, and employment.

Our congregation is called to proclaim that everyone is a beloved child of God, created in God’s image, and cherished by God. Every day we need to wonder – What if we treated everyone with grace and forgiveness? What if we took Jesus’ words to heart and really loved our neighbors?

We’re not perfect as a church. We don’t always get it right and there is still much we need to learn and do. But our intention is to be welcoming. Our mission is to learn from those on the margins and to listen to those who often feel overlooked or unheard.

This is not a time to declare our church or denomination “better” or more open than another. It is simply time to redouble our efforts to be even more intentional and more extravagant in our welcome.

May we take these words to heart, “Jesus didn’t turn people away. Neither do we.”

Puerto Rico – my experience

My first impression as we approached San Juan for a week-long mission trip with its brightly-lit skyline and bustling airport was, “Maybe they don’t need us after all.” But, as is often the case, the first impression didn’t tell the whole story. Beneath the glittering exterior, signs of damage and lingering pain were everywhere. Once our group started looking even slightly under the surface, we witnessed the devastating impact of Maria, the Category 5 hurricane that enveloped the island in 2017.

We saw the lovely sandy beach dotted with cabanas in tatters. The lighthouse overlooking the bay welcomed visitors but barred entry to the roof and second floor because of extensive rain and wind damage. The homes we visited were occupied but covered with thick layers of mud and mold. The long driveway leading to the church camp where we stayed was lined with electrical wires and fallen trees; the camp itself was still powered by generator. The enormous welcome sign at the camp’s entry was standing but was illegible because so many letters had been blown off by high winds. The impact of the storm was everywhere.

When we visited the beautiful national forest, we enjoyed panoramic views of the lush rain forest. Eighteen months after the storm, the visitor center remains closed and the majority of walking trails are impassible. It made me hope that this national treasure is on some government “to-do” list somewhere.

Our first work day was spent power washing the flat roofs of homes. The volunteer coordinators in northeastern Puerto Rico are valiantly working through a list that still contains over 200 people who are patiently waiting for much-needed help. Our plans to coat the roofs with sealer and paint were foiled by near-constant rain, so we turned our attention instead to the church camp.

Fortunately many members of our 15-person group had more abundant carpentry and construction skills than I do. We divided into smaller teams to address the needs of the camp – a foot bridge that had been swept away by the rains, a pavilion roof crushed by a fallen coconut tree, and an outdoor chapel with an unsafe walkway and railings. I discovered that every good work crew can use a willing “go-fer” and someone who can fetch tools, jot down measurements, provide a bit of muscle, and offer much-needed water in the steamy climate.

We worked hard in our short time there and accomplished a lot. And yet… there is so much left to do.  We were reminded that we were just one small piece in a much larger effort.  We carried on work that was started before us; after us another group will push it forward.

It seems to me that so much of faith is like this – we may not see the end result of our efforts, but we trust that God is at work in ways that we cannot always understand. Let us lift up prayers for the people of Puerto Rico and for people across the globe who struggle against odds larger than themselves. Let us follow John Wesley’s encouragement to “do all the good you can, by all the means you can, in all the ways you can, in all the places you can, at all the times you can, to all the people you can, as long as ever you can.”

Why I’m going to Puerto Rico

I’m going to Puerto Rico on a mission trip because I am tired of yelling at the radio. Daily news reports pour in that break my heart and add to my despair. A feeling of helplessness creeps over me as I wonder what I can do about the deplorable conditions that God’s children dwell in, near and far. Rage fills me as I hear politicians ignore issues like climate change and gun violence. My heart breaks when I hear stories of children separated from their parents and reports describing the impossibility of reuniting families again. I am brought to tears when I try to imagine never seeing my children again and I wonder at the resilience of these families who desperately seek safety and security. Our church has a fund to help refugees but it sits idle as our country has drastically reduced the number of people who can seek asylum here in the richest country on earth.

There seems to be two options – give up or roll up my sleeves. Why bother to fight when it seems clear that my tiny efforts will have little effect on misguided leaders who have both power and an apparently endless platform with which to share their hate-filled views.

But I believe in a God of hope. I believe in resurrection. I have spent my ministry proclaiming new life that appears in the most unlikely places. So despair really isn’t an option. I believe that the God who created the universe takes even the smallest offerings and magnifies them with the power of renewal.

So I’m going to Puerto Rico to help re-build homes destroyed by Hurricane Maria in 2018. I was appalled by our government’s apparent nonchalance and lack of compassion in the wake of such devastating loss. Lives and property were ruined. Together with my husband and daughter, I will be joining a group from North Dakota to participate in UCC Disaster Relief efforts.

I would be the first to admit that my house-building skills are limited at best. Carpentry, electrical work, and plumbing are not listed on my resume. But I believe that showing up makes a difference. Offering our hands and our hearts to people who feel forgotten and overlooked matters. Plus, I can clean, shovel, and rake with the best of them.

Puerto Rico isn’t the only place that needs a helping hand, of course. You don’t need to leave your hometown in order to make a difference. Do what you can, where you can. Do that small thing. Be kind. Pay it forward. Make a phone call, send a text, pay a visit. Get involved. Contact any church or non-profit and they will be thrilled to have another set of helping hands.

Yelling at the radio, I have learned from experience, doesn’t benefit me or anybody else. Getting involved does.  Actions combined with prayer will counteract the damage being done by so many. I trust that God’s love will prevail.

What does love look like?

Everyone seems to have an opinion about Valentine’s Day. While some people revel in the opportunity to share cards, chocolates, and messages of love, others have only scorn for this made-up holiday that benefits Hallmark, florists, and restaurants. Some would rather avoid the day altogether rather than face a bitter reminder of what has been lost or is missing from their lives.

            Valentine’s Day is supposed to be about love. But it doesn’t have to be about hearts, flowers, and grand romantic gestures. Love comes in many forms. It would be too bad if we missed love simply because it arrives in unexpected ways.  It might be a good time to ask – what does love look like?

I think love looks like

  • My husband checking the tire pressure on my car in the cold and dark before he heads off to work.
  • My parents calling me on January 17th to sing “happy ordination day” (to the tune of “Happy Birthday”). They remember every year.
  • Receiving a card from my mother. Her formerly lovely handwriting has turned into a barely legible scrawl, a combined result of near-blindness and severe arthritis. The card tells me of the time and effort it took to complete that task and I feel loved, even before I open it.
  • A text from a friend or family member with a simple heart.
  • A friend, upon leaving a meeting to discover a blinding snow squall, who insists on driving in front of me (nervous snow driver) all the way to my home to be sure I am safe.
  • Finding a note on my desk, “This place is a true blessing. My heart is filled with love.”
  • Discovering a drawing pushed under my door with the words, “Paster Sue, your the best.” Spelling doesn’t count in love notes.

What does love look like in your life? Is it a phone call? Chores done without reminders? Taking out the trash or scraping your windshield or sharing a cup of coffee? Maybe it’s the person who welcomes you with a smile or moves over so you can join the conversation.

            It may not immediately shout “love” to you. But it’s all about recognizing gifts we are offered in so many ways.

Let’s not miss love when it arrives without a bow or a heart. Let’s be open to the many ways that love can be passed on, revealed, and celebrated.

How will you share love today?

Gary O: Voice of Putnam

            If you want to meet someone who loves their job, talk with Gary Osbrey. “Gary O,” as he has been known since high school, is co-owner (with his wife Karen) of WINY, the radio station in the heart of Putnam. On the morning I spoke with him, Gary was brimming with excitement. “I just flipped the switch,” he said excitedly, “We’re now broadcasting on FM as well!”  It was fabulous news for this hard working disc jockey who had always dreamed of owning a radio station.

            The pieces of Gary’s life seemed to have come together to lead him to this time and place. Growing up in Coventry RI meant that he was able to attend the only high school in the state with a student-run radio station. Getting a job at WINY (which he imagined would be a short-term experience) introduced him to the attractive station secretary, Karen. They married in 1987. All along, his goal was to own a radio station before he turned forty. On May 31, 2001, just months before that milestone birthday, that dream became a reality.

When Gary reflects on the path that led him here, he shakes his head in wonder at what he describes as the blessings of his life. 

            “I never have to hit the snooze button,” Gary confided, “I’m always glad to come to work.” He’s at his desk by 5:15 a.m. every morning, ready to greet early-morning listeners with a full range of news, sports, and updates on local events. The purpose of a local radio station, Gary says, is to provide news and information and to promote and celebrate the community.

Gary accomplishes that with his enthusiasm and welcoming spirit. His morning talk show is always booked with people eager to share their news. On any given morning, a listener can tune in to high school students describing sports, music, and arts, representatives from the hospital talking about health campaigns, religious communities sharing upcoming events, or politicians outlining legislation that will impact northeastern Connecticut. Life moves at a breathtaking pace as WINY fosters a sense of community in the Quiet Corner.

Gary’s influence and enthusiasm doesn’t stop at his office door. He is a visionary who can help others imagine the possibilities of new ideas. Not everyone who visits Disney World immediately thinks of Putnam CT, but Gary did. Disney’s Light Parade inspired Gary to introduce the idea of the Dazzle Light Parade to his small town. Now seemingly an institution in Putnam on the weekend following Thanksgiving, the idea was initially met with skepticism. Who would want a parade in chilly November? Gary’s perseverance led to the first parade in 2002, when 65 groups and organizations lit up the streets as they walked by appreciative crowds. In 2018 there were 145 entries in what is now a cherished holiday tradition.

That same ability to envision something new led to Gary’s suggestion of the Putnam River Fires. Some folks might have been discouraged when that idea was tabled year after year by town leaders. Not Gary. Finally, as part of Putnam’s 150th anniversary in 2005, the first River Fire glowed on the Quinebaug and drew crowds to the river for music and entertainment. Another beloved tradition was born.

When someone tries to compliment Gary on his accomplishments, he brushes that off saying, “You think I’m busy?  You ought to see my wife!” And it’s true – Karen is involved in multiple community organizations and events, determined to improve the lives of people in Putnam and the surrounding area. Among her many responsibilities, she is the president of the Putnam Arts Council, a member of the Quinebaug Valley Community College Foundation, and president of the Putnam Building Committee which will oversee the construction of the new town hall and library.

This hard-working, dedicated couple recognizes the need to also take care of themselves. Sunday evening dinners are a priority as they carve out time in their busy schedules to reconnect and plan for the upcoming week. An annual “winter hibernation” getaway weekend provides much-needed down time as they unplug and unwind. They seem to realize that the only way they can keep doing the work they love is if they take care of themselves and each other.

“All I want is to live a purposeful life,” Gary explains. This includes quieter activities that also offer a profound impact. Look for him at 7:00 a.m. on Saturday mornings at the Main Street Grill for Bible study and reflection. This group, which is open to anyone who wants to show up, asks the question, “Where have you seen and experienced God this week?” Together they marvel at how God’s love and guidance weaves in and through their lives.

Through his faith, hard work, and dedication, Gary Osbrey enriches the lives of people in northeastern Connecticut.

You can listen to WINY at 1350 AM and 97.1 FM.